Slacker

Sorry I have been such a blog slacker lately, I just haven't felt up to it. Everyone is doing good in our house. Aaron taught Jagger to stick his tongue out, so for the past couple of days, his tongue has constantly been out! He will try to put anything in his mouth, no matter what it is! Yesterday, he grabbed towards Aaron's glass of tea and opened his mouth like he knew you drink out of it! Of course, he didn't get a drink, he is too young, but it was funny! We are switching him to prevacid because the ranitidine doesn't seem to be working as well anymore. I have to go pick it up, but our insurance had to approve it first. He is growing like a weed!

The house is coming together, slowly. We have the kitchen painted, bought a new comforter for our bedroom, an over the range microwave, and some other random stuff. One day I will get to all of the boxes in the garage! Monday night, Aaron and I mowed the yard. Call me crazy, but I love mowing the yard! I let Aaron do the weedeatting! We are hoping to get started on the fence this week since all the lines have been marked. We have a family of squirrels in a tree that is in front of our house, the babies are SO cute!

Alex bit someone yesterday, yes Alex, the sweet, friendly one. A guy from the water dept. came to read our meter and it is in the basement. I told him I would lock the dogs up, but he said it was ok, he had dachshunds. Next thing I know, he says that one of the long hair one's bit him and it jumped up and bit him, so I guess it was Alex. Emma doesn't jump and she has mellowed out in her old years. So, I have to take him to the vet 3 times in the next 10 days. I took him for the first time today and he doesn't appear to be rabid! He just got his vaccine back in December. The guy came back today to hook up something on the outside of the house and he said he was fine, it was just a little sore. I apologized greatly and told him how bad I felt, but he said not worry about it, things happen.

I went to the dr. yesterday for my ppd. I called and talked to one of the nurses and told them how I had been feeling and she wanted me to come in the same day. I thought it was time to call because I wrote a very hateful email to Aaron yesterday morning, I cried alot yesterday morning, and I felt like I was going to have a nervous break down at any given second, especially after the biting incident. I will not go into alot of detail about how I feel, because I don't like putting myself out there much, but I want other newly moms to know what it is like so they can get help. I wished I would have called earlier and not let it get this bad, but I kept telling myself that it was just the stress of buying a house and my lack of sleep. So, I had to do a depression screening with the nurse practitioner that asked all these questions. She also asked about previous depression and family history of depression, which is none. I told her about my grandfather recently dieing, she remembered that I recently moved away from family, I told her about buying the house (which honestly did not stress me out), and some other random things. So I was diagnosed with moderate to severe PPD. I have started taking zoloft and I go meet with a psychologist next week. I go back to the dr. in a month to re-evaluate how I am feeling, because it can take that long for the medication to work properly. I really hope this works, because it sucks feeling like this. I think I was in denial for a long time and it finally got so bad that I had no choice but to realize that something was wrong. I would get so angry at Aaron for no reason, it was like a time bomb waiting to explode on almost a daily basis. I am so thankful that he is such a good husband and father, or I probably would be a single parent! I cry on a daily basis, I am probably 90% of the time sad, don't care about doing anything, I wake up in the middle of the night just thinking about random things, and one of the worst feelings is that I am constantly worried about Jagger dieing. I always think of these tragic ways that he is going to die and that I will not be able to go on. I don't mean like I think of things once or twice a week, I am mean I am thinking of crazy stuff multiple times a day. I am also always worried that Aaron and I are going to die and that there isn't going to be anyone to take care of Jagger. Just a few days ago, a deer was at the edge of the road and all I could imagine was hitting the deer and the vehicle being crushed killing me and Jagger. My heart started racing and it became hard for me to breath for a few seconds. There is more, but like I said, I am not going to put myself out there too much.

So, excuse my lack of blogging, hopefully I will feel more up to it in a few days or weeks.

I wanted to add that I have found the MOST delicious homemade strawberry ice cream recipe you will EVER eat! If we don't have any in the freezer, Aaron is asking me to make more! You have to come see us to get a taste though :)